This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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