babies were throwing up all over the place
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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