party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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