I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
