just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
