And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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