Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
