Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
