Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
