Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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