xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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