We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
