what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize