i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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