Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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