nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
