this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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