i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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