Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
