So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
