I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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