I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
