I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
