closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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