the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sarcasm needs its own font
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize