Need sex. Gaining weight.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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