He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
