Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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