i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
