clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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