i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
