Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
