Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
