By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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