You made me cry and you don't even care
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
