Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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