Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
