loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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