I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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