and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
