Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
