I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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