My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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