I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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