im six kinds of drunk right now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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