ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Everclear isn't food dammit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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