im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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