i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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