I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
