I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
