Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I didn't notice because vodka
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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