i would punch a child for taco bell
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
