she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
