We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize