eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
