I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize