based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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