i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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