What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
