can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
