I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
