I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
