We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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