i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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