Can i not drive my cunt home
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
