I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
