dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
